


After the Testimony

by hannahfanficrobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6648475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahfanficrobron/pseuds/hannahfanficrobron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A two chapter fic, the first chapter set after Aaron gives his testimony in Gordon's trial. How will he cope after reliving his ordeal? Now 3 chapters and complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aaron

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this chapter after Tuesday 12th April's episode, Aarons testimony. (Another fic I'm moving here from fanfiction.net.)

* * *

Robert answered his phone before the first ring had died away. "Well?" he said to Chas. "How is he?" The fact she was calling him in the first place indicated that it wasn't good.

"I don't know," she said. "I can't get him to say anything at all. He won't even look in my direction. I wondered… if you could get him to talk."

"I don't know if I can," Robert said. "He's not happy with me right now." This was perfectly true, but he also knew that if Aaron was in pain, or needed him, he'd be there. Chas was silent, so Robert continued. "How bad is he? Oh, he must be bad or you wouldn't be calling me," he added, answering his own question.

"I have to do something," Chas said desperately. "He's only grunted since he came out of the court room. I can't get a word out of him."

"Is he at the pub?"

"Yes."

"I'm on my way," Robert said, disconnecting the call and putting his jacket on.

* * *

Aaron sat on the sofa in the back room of the pub, with at least twelve cans of lager from the shop, and he planned on drinking them all. He needed something to numb the horrific day he'd just lived through. His normal option would be to cut himself, but he hadn't lost all of his sense, not yet. Aaron could still feel the urge to cut, but the booze was a good second option. He opened the first can and downed half of it. The door opened and he didn't even look around. He knew that it would be one of two people, his mum or Robert. He did not want to talk to either of them today. Or, with the way he felt right now, ever again.

"Go away," he said.

"How'd it go?" Robert then. He stood behind the sofa and Aaron still didn't turn around.

"Oh, brilliant," Aaron said sarcastically. "I enjoyed myself so much, I think I'll repeat that tomorrow."

"Aaron…"

"Go away," Aaron repeated. "I can't make it any simpler."

"I can't leave you," he said, voice soft. "Not after today." Aaron didn't respond, hoping that if he ignored him, he'd go away. "Tell me you're not going to do anything stupid." Aaron knew he meant his self harm issue and he shook his head. He wasn't going to, though a part of him wanted to.

"Get out," Aaron said. "I'm planning on getting pissed and you're not stopping me."

"I wasn't going to stop you," Robert said honestly, moving around the sofa to look directly at him for the first time. "I know you're upset."

"I am not upset!" Aaron shouted. "I am so angry. The way he can stand there, acting all innocent. Like I'm a liar. It's all in my head. I'm so angry I want to explode." His hands were clenched into fists and he was almost vibrating with the energy to fight back. Robert had seen this urge on his face too many times before and knew he wanted to hit someone.

"You can hit me if you want," Robert said, sitting on the arm chair opposite him. "If it makes you feel better." Aaron sighed, a ghost of a very faint smile on his face and Robert relaxed slightly. He'd be okay. Today had been an impossible day, but he'd be all right in the end.

"If I can't get rid of you, at least bring a bottle of whisky," Aaron said. "Might numb me a bit more." Robert left for the front of the pub, taking his advice. Chas looked at him as he took a bottle from behind the bar.

"Well?"

"He's talking," Robert said. "He's also going to have a hell of a hangover in the morning."

"Can't you stop him?" Chas said, her eyes pleading.

"Right now, I think his two options are drinking himself into oblivion, or hurting himself to cope with the stress. So no, I'm not going to stop him." He took the bottle of Glenfiddich and two glasses back through.

"That do?" he asked, taking his seat in the arm chair.

"For now."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Aaron…"

"Robert, don't push me or I will punch you." Robert spent a good thirty seconds wondering if the punch would be worth it, but he kept his mouth shut, pouring the whisky. They were silent as they drank

"I can't do this," Aaron said eventually when he was halfway through the second glass.

"Do what?"

"The trial," he said. "I can't…"

"You already have," Robert said slowly. "You've done the worst bit now. It'll be better now."

"The worst bit is seeing him. How do I…."

"Go on," Robert pushed gently.

"Forget what he did to me for a minute," Aaron said. "What he put me through. I'm his son. I'm… a rapists son. So what does that make me?"

"Don't," Robert said. "You're nothing like him."

"I hit people, I hurt people when I'm angry. I can't stop myself."

"Stop it," Robert said firmly. "Stop doing this to yourself. None of this is your fault. Whatever happens, you stood up to him. Even if the jury let him off, you proved you're stronger than him. Stop torturing yourself.

"More," Aaron said, nodding at his empty glass. Robert poured another measure, aware at how quickly the level in the bottle was going down. And Robert wasn't drinking that much either.

Aaron had been mostly quiet as he steadily worked on the whisky bottle. Robert didn't take the lead either, which meant they were both sat there in silence. Eventually Aaron's eyes started to get heavy and he collapsed on the sofa. Sleep or unconsciousness, Robert wasn't quite sure. After he made no further movement, Robert got up to leave.

"I miss you," Aaron said, slurring on the words. He was very drunk, and very close to sleep. "But you won't want me now. No one will want me now. You'd only be with me for pity or sympathy. I couldn't bear that. It's easier to push you away." Robert felt the lump of emotion in his throat, but he didn't say anything. He wanted to contradict him, but Aaron's eyes slid closed into sleep and he didn't have the chance. What would he have said anyway?

Robert left the room, and in the hallway he felt the tears brimming. Did Aaron really think so little of himself? Chas came into the hallway and froze upon seeing Robert. He turned aside, wiping his eyes quickly, embarrassed that Chas had caught him crying.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said. "Aaron's asleep. I'm going home."

"Robert…" her tone made it clear that that wasn't a good enough explanation.

"He's drunk, Chas," he said bluntly. "He said some things I just… I'm going home." He didn't stop to talk any further and left the pub, wondering how on earth he and Aaron could possibly get back to normal.


	2. Robert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter before Thursdays episode aired, so the similarities here are coincidences. I didn't think we'd be that lucky to see them back together on screen yet when I wrote this!

**Chapter 2: Robert**

* * *

* * *

_"He's the sort of person you want to be. And to be with."_

Robert had taken off his tie, but otherwise he'd simply collapsed in the arm chair at home, waiting for something to happen. Either for Aaron to call, or for tiredness to catch up to him and send him to sleep. Today had been a long day. Adam was sat on the sofa next to him, watching the football. After about half an hour, there was a knock on the door. Robert got up but Aaron had already walked in, standing at the opposite side of the room, staring at him.

"Hi," Robert said, unable to bear the silence of Aaron simply staring at him. Everyone in the room felt that three was definitely a crowd, even Adam whose attention was mostly on the television.

"Adam?" Aaron said tightly.

"Yeah, I'll go to the pub," he said, taking the hint. "Keep Vic company for an hour." His gaze moved between the two men for a moment. "Or two," he added. He turned the TV off and left, leaving Aaron and Robert standing at opposite sides of the room, gazing at each other. The atmosphere was definitely charged, but neither was quite sure why.

"What were you playing at?" Aaron asked eventually. "Today. In court."

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true," Robert said, shaking his head slightly. What they both knew Aaron was referring to was Roberts last sentence. "I meant it."

"Why would you say that in front of a room full of strangers?" Aaron asked. And his family too, but he didn't mention that. Everyone he knew, knew that Robert was already a difficult subject with him.

"Because I don't care any more," he said simply. "I just... don't care who knows exactly how I feel about you." The room suddenly felt airless, because Aaron could barely get his head around it. It took several seconds for him to even formulate a sentence.

"Even now, after… everything?"

"Especially now," Robert said. "I've had months without you and I don't want to do it any more."

"Robert…"

"Aaron, don't ask me to take it back. I can't." There was a silence where Robert simply stared at him, bringing emotions to the surface that Aaron wasn't sure he was ready to face. So he changed the subject instead.

"Liv's going to bring up the recording. Tomorrow," Aaron said. Robert sighed and looked at the floor.

"Great," he said sarcastically. "That's me finished then, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising to me?" Robert asked, bewildered. "It's my fault. If it damages the case, changes the verdict… I…"

"It's not your fault," Aaron said. "I get it. Why you did it." A silence spread between them and Robert had no idea what to say to fill it.

Aaron turned away from him, unable to look in those hypnotising eyes for a moment longer and still say what he wanted to. Why he'd actually turned up on Robert's doorstep in the first place. He took a shaky breath. "I still love you. I guess I never really stopped." Robert had been longing to hear that from Aaron for so long, that now the moment had come, he felt slightly disappointed. Aaron was looking at the ground, away from him and it felt like he'd reluctantly said it, at least to Robert.

"Then why won't you even look at me?" he asked. Aaron took a deep breath and then did look at him, eyes damp but not yet crying.

"Because it's in the middle of… all this. Not exactly great timing," Aaron said. He shrugged slightly. "I just…" he didn't finish his sentence, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with what he'd just said. Not that it wasn't true, it was.

"No, don't leave," Robert said as Aaron turned. He reached out to grab his arm to stop him going. The touch felt electric, even through several layers of clothing and Robert dropped his hand like he'd been burned. They stood much closer to each other and both could hear the other breathing heavily. Not entirely sure who moved first, they kissed. So brief and quick that it might not have even happened. They stood, staring at each other, both of them fighting the urge to do it again. Robert knew that he couldn't push Aaron, not after everything recently. Then Aaron moved, kissing him deeply. Robert closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around him. God, that felt so good. It'd been far, far too long since they'd kissed. Robert couldn't help himself, his hands slid under Aaron's jacket, feeling just his thin shirt between their skin. He could feel the heat of him and he wanted him badly. That touch seemed to sober Aaron up and he shook his head, breaking the kiss.

"I can't." Aaron pulled back, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry, I can't. Not now." Robert nodded. He understood, even though what he wanted right now more than anything was to feel Aaron's body against his own for hours on end.

"I'll wait," Robert said. "I meant it, I'll wait for you. You're worth waiting for."

"I should go." Robert said nothing to stop him and Aaron left. When the door closed, Robert sat down, finding himself shaking. He closed his eyes, wondering if they'd ever get there. Or would something always be in the way between them?


	3. Verdict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After rereading this, I felt like it needed a third chapter to tie it all up. So here it is! Thank you for the Kudos!

Aaron had locked himself away again. His face was a blank mask and Robert felt like he couldn't reach him. He had absolutely no idea what to say to Aaron to make him talk. Or forget talking, even looking in his general direction would have been good. Aaron hadn't spoken since the word "guilty" had been spoken in court. Not one word. Cain, Chas, Robert and Aaron were all in the back room, Paddy having popped in briefly too. Robert had the feeling that this was far too many people for his liking after such an emotional day.

Robert inclined his head, saying "outside" without needing the words to express it. Aaron nodded slightly as Robert left, intending to follow in a minute or two when his absence from the back room at the pub wouldn't look as suspicious. Habit, he guessed, after sneaking around with Robert for months on end.

"What?" Aaron asked when they were both outside the pub, now thankfully alone. They stood next to each other, close but not touching.

"You can speak then," Robert said.

"Nothing to say." Aaron looked at the ground, his surly demeanour back up. Robert hated it when he did that, hid himself away like this.

"You can talk to me," Robert said. "I'm not going to run."

Aaron shook his head, but only because he was thinking. "It doesn't matter," he said. "The verdict didn't matter."

"Of course it does!"

"Guilty is better than him being released, but..." Aaron bit his lip as he thought about how exactly to say how he felt. "It doesn't change what happened. I'm still the one who has to live with it. What he did."

"Yeah," Robert said shortly. No point lying, Aaron would know that better than anyone.

"I don't know how to get past it," Aaron said. "I want..." He sighed heavily and didn't finish his sentence.

"You can live with it," Robert said. "You did it before, you can do it again."

"I can when he's not around," Aaron said. "He won't be in prison forever."

"No," Robert said honestly.

"You're not helping!" Aaron said, fighting a totally inappropriate laugh.

"I'm not going to lie to make you feel better," Robert said, his lip tilting into a slight smile.

"No?" Aaron said, and Robert suddenly knew they weren't talking about the trial at all any more. That glint in his eyes told him exactly what Aaron was thinking. "The old Robert would lie to get whatever he wanted."

"Except lying and manipulating didn't get me what I want," Robert said quietly.

"Do you even know what you want?" Aaron asked, aware he was playing with fire but unable to stop himself from asking the question. The tension between the two men had suddenly appeared, as if from nowhere.

"You," Robert said quietly. "Always you." It was what Aaron longed to hear, and for a moment the days events were forgotten, they simply didn't matter. Aaron kissed him, his hands on Robert's hips as he pulled their bodies closer, not caring that they were in the middle of the street, where anyone would see them. Robert responded eagerly, urgently, both of their breathing coming in short sharp gasps. Had they been anywhere near a bed, Robert had no doubt how this would end up. Instead he grabbed onto the last remaining shred of sense he had and turned his head away.

"No..." he breathed. "Not today." Saying that was made even harder by the fact that Aaron's hands had slipped under his shirt and were caressing his bare skin teasingly. It'd been months since he'd been touched like that, felt this wanted, and now he had to stop it.

"Robert, if you don't want me any more, just say so," Aaron murmured, though he was fairly sure that wasn't the problem. Robert was just trying to do the right thing for once.

"Aaron, I want you so badly, sometimes I wonder how I can stand it." Robert closed his eyes, breathing heavily as Aaron took his hands off of his skin. They still stood so close they could feel the heat of each other, and yet neither of them moved.

"I should..." Aaron started weakly, meaning to go back inside. He didn't want to, more than anything else he wanted to stay right here with Robert. He felt a desperate longing to have him touching his own skin, kissing and caressing his body that he couldn't put it into words. He just needed to have Robert touching him right now, he had the ability to make him feel so good and Aaron craved that.

"Aaron..."

"Later," he said quietly, taking a step back from Robert. "Come around later? When everyone's..."

"Gone," Robert finished. "Sure. If you want." Just the barest hint of a question there.

"Later," he repeated, sounding sure. Robert kissed him very briefly and turned and left him alone, walking home. After being so surrounded by Aaron he needed the fresh air. Aaron watched Robert leave and smiled, still feeling the echo of his kiss on his own lips.


End file.
